After yesterday’s developments, I have become aware of 2 important issues, which are somewhat related.

Firstly, our relationship / connection seems to be strongly connected to the large swings in your mood throughout the day.  I am finding it difficult to know how to deal with that.  I want us to continue to work on and strengthen our relationship, which is even more important at times of crisis like this.  It is obviously difficult to predict, but if you are in a low place, I am always available to be a support, but not a good idea for me to become a scapegoat or a target for your anger (unless of course I deserve it).  Does this make sense?

A more critical issue that we touched on yesterday is the conscious/unconscious splitting behaviors that your family is involved in towards our relationship.  This really bothers me a great deal. I love you deeply, feel your suffering strongly, and only want a rapid recovery so we can continue our growth together. It doesn’t concern me what they think of me, but for them to impose their view on you, especially since none of them actually have a long term partner, creates significant tension between us.

This has been most evident in the recent psychiatrist assessment process, with secrecy and blocking communication with me.  I feel this is a serious and direct threat to our marriage.  I am sorry to add this to the issues you are struggling with, but if we are going to be able to survive this crisis as a couple and family intact, then this tension and splitting needs to be addressed.  You may find it helpful to discuss this with a therapist and possibly even have a therapist involved in the solution.

A couple of tips on this issue which I found on the net are below. If you can make time for us to discuss this, I’d like to see if we can agree on these principles and figure out a way for us to approach it.


Underlying principles

There’s not one right solution to in-law dilemmas, but there are some underlying principles:

  • Couple unity has priority over other relationships.
  • If something needs to be said it should come from the child to his or her parent, not from in-law to in-law.