Over the last couple of days, I feel a mixture of concern and hope.  My online research and reading has helped encourage patience, as I look for positive changes on the road ahead.  I feel like I am preparing for a ‘battle’ – it’s like a fight against a demon that’s taken possession of my wife.  But this is no demon and bipolar disorder can’t be ‘killed’.  But the analogy helps me realise clearly that my wife is not the enemy.

I am busy preparing myself with the knowledge and skills in how to respond to the various voices of this ‘demon’. I am lining up a number of tools and supports to help free my wife from the denial demon. Trying to reach out to spiritual guides or people who have suffered from similar illnesses, who may help normalize the situation and provide validation and reasurrance that the mood swings can be managed.  Arranging a 3rd/4th opinion from a recommended psychiatrist – while initially reluctant, my wife surprisingly accepted this suggestion.  This is likely a result of the return of the inner pain (depressed mood) that she’s feeling, with no apparent reason.

Actually, her mood have started on its downward spiral the last 3-4 days, which is creating an opportunity to hit the ‘denial demon’ hard.  My wife’s distress has led her on a search to understand what is causing her pain.  She has become focussed on the myers briggs personality types, identifying herself as an INFP.  In a separate post, I will explore what I’ve discovered about the relationship between this relatively rare personality type and bipolar disorder.  But for now, one of my planned tactics will be to try help her identify that her symptoms go beyond ADHD (which she already accepts and takes ritalin for) or INFP personality type.

I have discovered some bipolar spectrum disorder questionnaires that may help provide some external validation. After I agreed to do the myers briggs personality questionnaire (I am apparently an ISTJ/P), she will hopefully agree to try these with me this week.

To be continued…