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Source: someecards.com

Me and my wife have repeated tension over the house cleaning – very common, if not universal, right?   But the focus of our dispute, is our difference of opinion when it comes to getting cleaning help – I want outside help. My wife doesn’t.

This is NO joke. We have some version of the following dialogue every week.

  • Wife:  I would love your help in cleaning up around here.
  • Me: Please get a cleaning lady / maid to help us.  (I’m working 60+hr/week)
  • Wife: The place is too messy – when things are tidier!
  • Me: Doh!!

I do get what she means, BUT it’s the perfect Fxxxing Catch 22.  So I give up trying for now and just find some humor to brighten the day. Something for everyone here. ENJOY & Happy New Year.

Thought of Vic when I found these. 😉

Kitchen Signs

1. Kitchen closed – – this chick has had it!
2. Martha Stewart doesn’t live here!!
3. I’m creative; you can’t expect me to be neat too!
4. So this isn’t Home Sweet Home… Adjust!
5. Ring Bell for Maid Service…If no answer do it yourself!
6. I clean house every other day…. Today is the other day!
7. If you write in the dust, please don’t date it!
8. I would cook dinner but I can’t find the can opener!
9. My house was clean last week, too bad you missed it!
10. A clean kitchen is the sign of a wasted life (or no internet)

Source: jokeoftheday.wordpress.com

Note to Wife: I don’t think it’s possible for you to not look good (see above), so I’m happy if we just focus on the house 😛

The Maid

A woman suspects her husband is cheating on her. One day, she dials her home and a strange woman answers. The woman says, ” Who is this?” “This is the maid,” answered the woman. “We don’t have a maid”, said the woman. The maid says, “I was hired this morning by the man of the house. The woman says, “Well, this is his wife. Is he there?” The maid replied, “he is upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I figured was his wife.” The woman is fuming. She says to the maid, “Listen, would you like to make $50,000?” The maid says, “What will I have to do?”

The woman tells her, “I want you to get my gun from the desk, and shoot the jerk and the witch he’s with.” The maid puts the phone down; the woman hears footsteps and the gun shots.

The maid comes back to the phone, “What do I do with the bodies?”  The woman says, “Throw them in the swimming pool.” Puzzled, the maid answers, “But there’s no pool here.” A long pause and the woman says, “Is this 212-832-4821?”


Clean as Cold Water Can Get Them

A man went to visit his 90 year old grandfather and while eating the breakfast of eggs and bacon prepared for him, he noticed a film-like substance on his plate. So he says, “Grandfather, are these plates clean?” His grandfather replies, “Those plates are as clean as cold water can get them, so go on and finish your meal.” That afternoon, while eating the hamburgers his grandfather made for lunch, he noticed many little black specks around the edge of his plate so again he asked, “Grandfather are you sure these plates are clean?” Without looking up from his burger, the grandfather says, “I told you those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them, now don’t ask me about it anymore.” Well, later that day, they were on their way out to get dinner. As he was leaving the house, grandfather’s dog who was lying on the floor started to growl and would not let him pass. “Grandfather, your dog won’t let me out.” Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching, his grandfather shouted, “Coldwater, get out of the way!”

Source: miraclemaidstx.com


Source: jokideo.com & thechive.com