Relationships are difficult.
Relationships between women and men is more difficult.
Relationships in marriage, with mood disorders, is even more difficult.
Relationship in marriage, with mood disorder, and ME, is most difficult.
BUT, I still believe it’s worth it!
My wife tells me I am not very good at expressing my emotions. This is likely to be true, since my wife is always right. The thing is, I am missing the second X-chromosome (ie I’m male), which apparently helps with these things called feelings. Don’t misunderstand – I have feelings, but talking about them doesn’t come naturally. I believe this is quite common for at least 50% of the population – right?
It’s well known that healthy relationships require good communication, and this communication has to be more than just about ‘the weather’ or who’s turn to do the dishes. So we commit to setting aside time for each other and talking, which inevitably leads to feelings. I feel couple therapy has helped me learn to share deeper emotions, and I am committed to continual growth in this area.
This introduction, was important to understand the context of the concept of ‘boomerang’ apologies, which I want to ask everyone about. This might be difficult to describe without specific details, but has anyone experienced recieving an apology from someone, then after responding, the person who initially apologized reacts strongly (such as irritiable/anger), and you are left apologizing to the person who originally apologized to you?!^#*!?
Obviously, you would all be asking the same thing: this interaction all depends on the ‘response‘ of the person who received the apology. So here it might get even more complicated. If I receive an apology for something that doesn’t really deserve an apology, but there is something related that needs to be discussed, my underexpressed emotions triggers me to say something, related to my feelings. In writing this out, I have figured out one obvious solution – appreciate and accept the original apology (however irrelevant it seems) and set up a separate time to discuss the ‘real’ issue.
Have you experienced anything like a ‘boomerang apology’? Can you suggest any other ways to improve communication, for situations like this?… especially for those of us who are ‘deficient a second X-chromosome’ 😉