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Cyanide-&-Happiness-comics-dad-son-848428
Source: joyreactor.com

Today I’m going to keep intro brief, but add a few comments occasionally.  I just wanted to remind everyone – if you have suggestion for a theme for Funny Friday, please let me know in the comments.  Today’s theme came from yesterday’s post about being a Child of Divorce.

Like the last couple weeks (Poetry and Death), the divorce theme had alot of material available. I hope you enjoy my selected jokes and memes.   Apologies if anyone is offended. I purposely tried to stay away from the subject of infidelity, with one exception.  Have a great weekend!

Source: pinterest.com & jokideo.com
  • A man was driving home one evening and realized that it was his daughter’s birthday and he hadn’t bought her a present. He drove to the mall and ran to the toy store and he asked the store manager “How much is that new Barbie in the window?” The Manager replied, “Which one? We have ‘Barbie goes to the gym’ for $19.95 ….’Barbie goes to the Ball’ for $19.95 ….’Barbie goes shopping’ for $19.95 ….’Barbie goes to the beach’ for $19.95 ….’Barbie goes to the Nightclub’ for $19.95 ….and ‘Divorced Barbie’ for $375.00”. “Why is the Divorced Barbie $375.00, when all the others are $19.95”? Dad asked surprised. “Divorced Barbie comes with Ken’s car, Ken’s House, Ken’s boat, Ken’s dog, Ken’s cat and Ken’s furniture.”
  • A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced five husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, “Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin.” “What?” said the puzzled groom? “How can that be if you’ve been married five times?” “Well, Husband 1 was a sales representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband 2 was an engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. Husband 3 was in marketing; although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it. Husband 4 was a psychologist; all he ever did was talk about it. Husband 5 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was… God! I miss him! But now that I’ve married you, I’m really excited!” “Good,” said the new husband, “but, why?” “You’re a lawyer. This time I know I’m gonna get screwed!”
Source: divorcehq.com & jokideo.com
Source: www9.trendfromf.tkjokideo.com

I don’t believe this could be true…

cheap-divorce-coupon

Source: menswomenshumor.wordpress.com

THE FIRST ONE HERE WAS MY ONLY EXCEPTION RE INFIDELITY

  • Mickey Mouse is having a nasty divorce with Minnie Mouse.  Mickey spoke to the judge about separation.  “I’m sorry Mickey, but I can’t legally separate you you on the grounds that Minnie is mentally insane…”  Mickey replied, “I didn’t say she was mentally insane, I said that she’s fucking goofy!”
  • After being married for 30 years, a man took a look at his wife and said, “Honey, do you realize 30 years ago, I had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a pull out bed and watched a 13 inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 21 year old blonde. Now, we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV, but I’m sleeping with a 51 year old blonde. It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things.”    Now the wife, a very reasonable woman, told him to go out and find a hot 21 year old blonde, and she would make sure that he would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed and if he was lucky he would have a small television to watch.
Source: hudo.comjokes4us.com
Source: jokideo.com

Different Types of Sex

The first is Smurf Sex. This happens during the honeymoon; you both keep doing it until you’re blue in the face. The second is Kitchen Sex. This is at the beginning of the marriage; you’ll have sex anywhere, anytime. Including the kitchen. The third kind is Bedroom Sex. You’ve calmed down a bit, perhaps have kids, so you’ve got to do it in the bedroom. The fourth kind is Hallway Sex. This is where you pass each other in the hallway and say, “Screw you!” There is also a fifth kind of sex: Courtroom Sex. This is when you get divorced and your wife screws you in front of everyone in the court.

Source: jokideo.com

divorce-screw

Source: lawyer-jokes.mytwotails.com

Quotes:

  • Divorce is like passing a kidney stone. It hurts like hell, takes what seems forever to pass, results in an enormous bill, and men will always think they have something great to show for it when they get to keep the worthless stone. – Mary Godwin
  • Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.
Source: divorcehq.com

 

This first video was meant to be part of Death is NOT Funny –  Enjoy 😉

 

 

 

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