House Cleaning is NOT Funny (Friday)

Tags

blogging, help, humor, procrastination, Relationship, rollercoaster, thanks

Source: someecards.com

Me and my wife have repeated tension over the house cleaning – very common, if not universal, right?   But the focus of our dispute, is our difference of opinion when it comes to getting cleaning help – I want outside help. My wife doesn’t.

This is NO joke. We have some version of the following dialogue every week.

• Wife:  I would love your help in cleaning up around here.
• Me: Please get a cleaning lady / maid to help us.  (I’m working 60+hr/week)
• Wife: The place is too messy – when things are tidier!
• Me: Doh!!

I do get what she means, BUT it’s the perfect Fxxxing Catch 22.  So I give up trying for now and just find some humor to brighten the day. Something for everyone here. ENJOY & Happy New Year.

Thought of Vic when I found these. 😉

Kitchen Signs

1. Kitchen closed – – this chick has had it!
2. Martha Stewart doesn’t live here!!
3. I’m creative; you can’t expect me to be neat too!
4. So this isn’t Home Sweet Home… Adjust!
5. Ring Bell for Maid Service…If no answer do it yourself!
6. I clean house every other day…. Today is the other day!
7. If you write in the dust, please don’t date it!
8. I would cook dinner but I can’t find the can opener!
9. My house was clean last week, too bad you missed it!
10. A clean kitchen is the sign of a wasted life (or no internet)

Source: jokeoftheday.wordpress.com

Note to Wife: I don’t think it’s possible for you to not look good (see above), so I’m happy if we just focus on the house 😛

The Maid

A woman suspects her husband is cheating on her. One day, she dials her home and a strange woman answers. The woman says, ” Who is this?” “This is the maid,” answered the woman. “We don’t have a maid”, said the woman. The maid says, “I was hired this morning by the man of the house. The woman says, “Well, this is his wife. Is he there?” The maid replied, “he is upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I figured was his wife.” The woman is fuming. She says to the maid, “Listen, would you like to make $50,000?” The maid says, “What will I have to do?”

The woman tells her, “I want you to get my gun from the desk, and shoot the jerk and the witch he’s with.” The maid puts the phone down; the woman hears footsteps and the gun shots.

The maid comes back to the phone, “What do I do with the bodies?”  The woman says, “Throw them in the swimming pool.” Puzzled, the maid answers, “But there’s no pool here.” A long pause and the woman says, “Is this 212-832-4821?”

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Clean as Cold Water Can Get Them

A man went to visit his 90 year old grandfather and while eating the breakfast of eggs and bacon prepared for him, he noticed a film-like substance on his plate. So he says, “Grandfather, are these plates clean?” His grandfather replies, “Those plates are as clean as cold water can get them, so go on and finish your meal.” That afternoon, while eating the hamburgers his grandfather made for lunch, he noticed many little black specks around the edge of his plate so again he asked, “Grandfather are you sure these plates are clean?” Without looking up from his burger, the grandfather says, “I told you those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them, now don’t ask me about it anymore.” Well, later that day, they were on their way out to get dinner. As he was leaving the house, grandfather’s dog who was lying on the floor started to growl and would not let him pass. “Grandfather, your dog won’t let me out.” Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching, his grandfather shouted, “Coldwater, get out of the way!”

Source: miraclemaidstx.com

 

Source: jokideo.com & thechive.com

I Hate it When You’re Moody

Tags

Bipolar Disorder, brave, Depression, journalling, Mental Health, moodiness, moody, rollercoaster

Warning:  Intense emotions expressed here – potential triggering.

This was written three months ago, which was 2 weeks before I started blogging regularly. Below is based on the ‘Love Letter Technique’, recommended by John Gray.  You may relate to some of these feelings & the technique could be helpful for others, but not in all situations. Also, this post is long, a little repetitive (purposely) and SPOILER ALERT, it ends POSITIVELY.

Dear Wife,

I hate it when you’re moody. It’s wearing me down.  I hate that often you don’t even notice it’s happening.  I don’t like it when you ‘mindread’ – this often happens when your mood changes.  I hate not knowing exactly when/what triggers you. I don’t like it when you don’t treat me as a friend – your best friend. I get angry when you assume I am against you, when you don’t give me a chance to clarify, before you get defensive and angry.  I am fed up with the extreme fluctuation in mood, especially that you never acknowledge the severity of the problem.  I hate it when you dismiss my concerns, tell me you are working on things your way, but it always continues.  I don’t like that you don’t seem to see the problem and how it relates to the emotional crisis last year. I want you to take more personal responsibility for this dynamics, before it’s too late.  I am angry that you don’t see how much I LOVE YOU. I hate it when my actions trigger your agitation, anger, moodiness.  I am fed up with you seeing me a controllinh, criticizing or monitoring you. I am worried.  I want you to see me, and treat me as your best friend, trusted partner, as we navigate through this challenging stage of our life / relationship!!!

I feel sad when you’re sad. I feel especially sad when something I do seems to trigger your saddness, anger or irritability.  It hurts when you don’t seem to trust me, when you treat me as an enemy, or someone that is trying to hurt you.  It makes me sad to think that after everything I have done over the last 19 years (especially the last 1.5 yrs) to clearly demonstrate my love, comittment and loyalty to you and us, that you doubt my motivations towards this challenging time.  I need you to see how much your mood is affecting your thinking and reactions towards me.  I feel sad that there has been constant tension around your moods & approach to staying emotionally healthy.  I want us to find a compromise path that acknowledges both our concerns.  It makes me sad to see you suffering needlessly.  I feel sad that it’s so hard for you to see the damage this is causing. It hurts when my concerns are dismissed, denied or responded to defensively. I feel disappointed that something seems to have damaged the intense trust we had for each others perspective. I need you to know, to really really know, how much I love you and how strongly I need for us to get through this together. I want you to trust me more deeply again.

I am afraid you are never going to trust me like that again.  I’m worried that our marrital harmony may get worse or even fall apart.  I need you to feel safe with me. I wish you could be open to how extreme the mood swings can get.  I am afraid you will never become aware of the extent of the problem and the affect it has on our relationship and family.  I am worried the tension around this may do further damage to our relationship and the relationship with the kids.  I am obviously afraid of your mood becoming extremely low like last year.  I don’t want to lose you!  I need you to acknnowledge and take greater responsibility for this problem, before another crisis.  I am worried that we might not be able to survive with our family intact.

I am sorry that my worries / concerns upset you so much. I am sorry that this moodiness issue is happening to us – I know it’s NOT your fault.  I’m sorry I am not saying / doing whatever you need from me when you are emotional.  (I am sorry I do not know better what it is you need at those times).  I want us to work out a compromise path that can build back our mutual trust.  I feel bad for making you feel dragged to psychiatrist / psychologist. I am sorry for the distress this causes you.  I only wish that there was another way.  I am sorry this is so scary, particularly being made to feel ‘crazy’.  I am sorry I can’t just put the previous crisis behind us & move forward. I am sorry the moods affect me so much.  I wish I could be somehow stronger to create the space to receive that negative energy.  I am sorry I can’t just accept the moddiness – you mean too much to me, to allow this to destroy us.  I need you to understand and trust my motivations as best friends, soul mates.

I love you and your sensitivities. I love when you hold me and kiss me.  I love going on date nights with you.  I have never stopped loving you for a second, even during this emotional crisis.  I support you in expressing your feelings and approach to this situation, but I can’t accept the distructive dynamic tearing us apart.  I understand you feel threatened and frustrated when your mood is discussed.  I don’t blame you at all, but I need you to trust me much more.  You can be so SWEET, but also so BITTER.  I think we can get through this together, if we work together.  I promise to be open to your concerns and beliefs about our path forward.  You are so creative, caring and compassionate.  I love you and want you to love me as deeply. I know we can do it.  Please, please work with me to rebuild our trust and vessels to contain all the Divine connection we have the potential to acheive.  There is much more I’d like to add, but you already finished your letter.  Looking forward to continue sharing my love with YOU!

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CURRENT NOTES:

• This is only a one-sided perspective.  My wife has her own strong feelings about the situation which are obviously relevant.
• I am not perfect.  I have my own issues with communication and blocked emotions that I need to work through.  I even had a recent psychiatrist evaluation, encouraged by my wife’s repeated suggestion (more on this soon).
• Our situation is currently much more stable, since my wife developed partial insight.  But after a tough morning like today, it’s good to remind myself and my wife of how far we have come over a relatively short period of time.

 

Hypersexuality is NOT Funny (Friday)

Tags

Bipolar Disorder, condition, humor, hypersexuality, Relationship, rollercoaster, voyeurism

Hypersexuality is NOT Fanny Funny

This ‘hypersexuality’ theme for Funny Friday, was inspired by my blogosphere friend’s recent posting about her struggles with hypersexuality. which I referenced yesterday.

Introductory DISCLAIMER:  I am not trying to dismiss the seriousness of hypersexuality (sex addiction), which can occur with a number of conditions, including bipolar disorder.  Also, I am not an expert on the problem. If you think you or your partner might be affected, I would recommend you see your doctor, because help is available.

I got the following comment from an old reddit discussion (my kingdom for a new brain):    JESS – this is for you 😉

This is one of my few ‘oh fuck I’m hypomanic’ moments for me. My sex life is really great, and when I come away going ‘shit I’m unsatisfied’ I know I need to call my pdoc (emphasis added by me)

FINALLY… NOW… SOME JOKES:

What’s another name for a brothel?   A Fanny Club

An oldie, but a goodie:    How can you tell if a (sex) addict is lying? His/her lips are moving.”

 

A boss said to his secretary I want to have SEX with you I will make it very fast. I’ll throw $1000 on the floor, by the time you bend down to pick it I’ll be done. She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend then said to her, do it but “Ask him for $2000, pick up the money very fast he wouldn’t even have enough time to undressed himself.” So she agrees. Half an hour goes by, the boyfriend decides to call girlfriend, he asks, what happened? She responds, “The Bastard used coins I’m still picking and he is still fucking!”

A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, “Mypenis,” and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, “Error. Not long enough.”

http://unijokes.com/sex-jokes/

.

http://humoropedia.com/10-sex-addict-signs/

Afterthought admission:

In researching todays post, I discovered an interesting question asked on Quora:   Is loving to tell dirty jokes a warning sign of a sex addiction?  I don’t know the answer, but if it is, then I might be developing a sex addiction.  LOL

 

 

I Love Analogies

Tags

Anxiety, Bipolar Disorder, communication, Depression, disorder, Goals, growth, hope, love, Mental Health, Relationship, rollercoaster

When I was driving to work this morning, I got stuck behind a slow moving truck that had small stones/sand flying off it.  As I got closer to it , the sound of the tiny stones hitting my windscreen got louder and more frequent.  I don’t know if this ever happens to you, but since I drive on country roads alot, it often happens to me.  Given what’s been going in my life recently, I naturally started to think about how this ‘rocks flying off truck into my car’ situation works as an amazing analogy for how I’m feeling in my marriage at the moment.

Sounds confusing… let me explain.  My wife is symbolized by the truck.  Actually, to be more accurate, my wife is travelling in ‘the truck’ (the mood disorder condition is the truck). I am travelling in my car.  We are travelling together through life, trying to achieve our potential as individuals, as a couple and as a family unit (with 4 kids and a dog).  We are given a certain vehicle in which to travel.  The stones flying off my wife’s ‘truck’ represent the mood swings: depressed, anxious, or paranoid states, occasionally involving irritability and anger, with associated emotional attacks likely triggered from childhood hurts.  Sounds dramatic – hey?

Well, before I explain what event inspired this comparison, let me elaborate further on the analogy description.  Just as the stones seem to fly off the truck in a random, unpredicable fashion, so does my wife’s mood states seem without a definite pattern.  No individual, or isolated tiny rock will cause significant damage to my car, just like a single occurence of a mood swing does not have dramatic effect on our relationship.  But when the frequency and especially the intensity (larger stones) of the shifting moods increases, then the impact cannot be ignored.  Finally, my response to following behind the truck with the flying stones could be to slow down, increasing the distance between it and my car, which avoids being hit by the stones.  Similarly, I often feel like distancing myself from my wife is my only protection from the harmful effects of the mood swings.  The problem is that if we find the distance between us is too much, or happening too often, then we might not finish life’s journey together.

Solutions. Before this analogy can go that far, I need to acknowledge my ‘car’ is not perfect either, no-one is.  Everyone has fluctuations in their mood, including me, but I think it’s fair to say that the intensity and frequency of these changes wouldn’t qualify as ‘rocks flying off a truck’.  Similarly, just as I wouldn’t blame the truck driver for purposefully throwing tiny stones from their truck, I do not blame my wife for having a mood disorder (such as depression or bipolar disorder).  I guess I could ask the truck driver to give his truck a thorough clean out to stop the flying rocks – but I don’t think there is an equivalent option for mood disorders, or is there?!  So what can we do?

This analogy inspiration came out of a fairly unpleasant encounter last night.  After returning from a great movie, in which the lead character’s husband came clean about his marrital affair, I jokingly expressed that I had ‘something’ to share… “That I had NOT had an affair” (true), which my wife never suspected and actually seemed to appreciate.  But I then followed this by sharing something actually a little personal – sorry this has to remain vague, but her response was not what I expected. I felt attacked and hurt by her reaction, which she later apologized for.  This highlighted my wife’s tendency to feel blamed or criticized about everything, especially when depressed, even when this was far from the intention of my message.

The night wasn’t all bad.  In fact, this incident helped reinforce my wife’s awareness of the relationship difficulties that the condition creates, a topic which we started to discuss before the movie.  I am hoping that we can continue to strengthen this awareness, create mutual relationship goals to work on together and eventually uncover the triggers and healing responses to her various mood states.  Onwards and upwards.

Can you think of other ideas that can be drawn out from the above analogy?  Or better still, do you have any analogies that describe your challenges with mental health issues?

Blogging for health, with setbacks

Tags

blogging, communication, growth, help, Relationship, rollercoaster, thank you

Blogging is helping me in so many different ways, as my wife recently noticed, such that I really wanted my wife to share in the benefits with me.  As the last few posts showed, she dipped her toe into the blogosphere ocean, but now has expressed reluctance to continue contributing personally.

Do you ever feel that sometimes, you’ve worked very hard for something, done everything as best as you could, but yet it hasn’t worked out as you hoped.  This is how I feel.  I sincerely appreciate all the comments and encouraging feedback readers shared in response to my wife’s recent posts.  It’s not gone unnoticed.  Actually, it’s likely to have planted a seed of the potential of blogging within my wife.  In fact, this hiccup (I hope only temporary) has motivated me to continue exploring the benefits and barriers to ‘blogging therapy’, especially for newbie bloggers like us (check out “The Kicker” post, coming out by Sunday).

Clearly, there is the issue of ‘timing’.  My wife’s mood has still not stabilized since the latest mood crisis which started 4-5 weeks ago.  She continues to struggle, with all her already sapped energy, against the diagnosis label. I thought her blogging about these feeling could only be helpful – but it’s probably just a little too soon.  For now, she’s retreated back from the blogosphere, to relative social isolation, but there’s still support from therapy, possible coaching and few friends that she partly confides in.

Preview teaser

The KICKER: google defines as “an unexpected and often unpleasant discovery or turn of events”… post coming out by Sunday

Hubby

Rollercoasters

Tags

Bipolar Disorder, Denial, Depression, Relationship, rollercoaster

I never enjoyed rollercoasters as a kid… and I still don’t.  That feeling of your stomach being in your throat is not pleasant for me.  I am starting to have a similar feeling at the moment, as I ride with my wife’s mood changes.  After a relatively short 2-3 weeks depression crash, with daily functioning virtually zero, my wife has gradually crawled back over 1-2 weeks, probably assisted by the lamictal / venlafaxine combination that she restarted.  I am very thankful for the improvement, but I am naturally monitoring that the she doesn’t fly too high, especially with the antidepressant effects.  I find this such a difficult situation – if I express concerns for potential hypomania signs, it seems like I’m complaining.  Last year, she expressed this frustration like this: “You’re worried when I’m depressed and you complain when I’m happy, you’re never satisfied!”

As I sat down to write this post, I noticed recent discussions on PsychCentral forums about ‘normal periods’ and ‘hypomania after depression’ – HOW APPROPRIATE!  As my wife comes out of the recent depression, she seems to be tending towards the creative, but irritable hypomanic mood that I noticed few a few weeks before this crash.  Daily functioning has improved significantly, but she tends to become highly focussed on one thing, while neglecting other important things in her life, such as kids, physical exercise or household chores.  This has been a long standing challenge for her, which she struggles with even more when the hypomanic mood creeps up.

Interestingly, when I thought about the question of whether it’s possible to find a ‘normal’ mood state, the idea of a rollercoaster came to mind.  Is a rollercoaster ever truly travelling on an even (normal) level, not going up or down?  Maybe at beginning of the ride and at the end of the ride. Similarly, I think, it could be the same with life: babies and extreme elderly at end of life don’t seem to have huge mood fluctuations, but every stage in between seems to involve fluctuating moods.  Obviously, in bipolar disorder, it’s usually the intensity (and occasionally the frequency), of these mood swings that cause such difficulty.

Praying things will stabilize and we will find balance in all areas of our life soon.