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After a series of light posts about thankfulness, blog awards and repartees, I think it’s time for something a little deeper.  To assist with this, I have to thank Sandra (reblogged) for posting about her raw, deep, honest feelings about her current saddness, and the amazing, compassionate response from a friend’s call for support and comfort, blogging style.

There are two broadly separate categories of reaction I had to this posting.  Firstly, there are the specific words of support and practical ideas that was expressed by me and a bunch of other amazing bloggers. I will share a small sample of this below, with a few followup reflections at the end.

Secondly, this post and response triggered for me a burst of inspiration and motivation about a ‘blogging therapy’ project idea that I have been pondering.  I will post about this tomorrow.

Ultra brief paraphrased summary of Sandra’s post: she reflected on her low emotional state, which  included no job and perceived poor prospects of finding work, expressing little hope in feeling better or getting help through therapy due to cost and lack of confidence in finding a therapist that will actually help.

I commented:

Dear Sandra

I, too, was directed here by your good friend stephellaneous. Your situation, particularly combined with stephellaneous’s caring response, has triggered ALOT of thoughts in me, which I plan to share in my next coupe of posts… but for now, I just wanted to share 3 ‘brief’ thoughts.

Regarding cost of therapy – maybe need to think of it as a professional investment in your career. If it helps you get stronger emotionally, it will pay you back many times over through your better work prospects. Based on your writing skills shown here, I think this would be a great ‘investment’.

Since Thanksgiving, I have become a bigger believer in Gratitude: try writing 2-3 things you are thankful for, Everyday. This is not a replacement for medication/therapy etc, but everything helps, hey?!

Finally, you end your post with a dream about a massage – why not ask your husband? Apologies if this isn’t appropriate for any number of reasons, but as a husband of a depression sufferer, I would think this is reasonable and helpful on so many different levels. If he resists, send him to my blog – I will sort him out! LOL



Sandra ‘s Response:

I think I would put myself in debt if necessary for therapy if I knew it would help. But my past experience doesn’t give me much hope… unless I miraculously find the perfect therapist/counselor/whatever…which seems bloody unlikely. Honestly, trying to find the right person seems worse than doing nothing.

The thing about my writing and making an investment in my career… That sounds great except I’ve never had a writing job. It’s not my educational nor professional background. It’s just what I wish I could get a job doing. But no one hires some middle-ish-aged woman to do a job she’s never done before. And God knows I do not want a job anything like what I was doing before the layoff. I was miserable. It’s too bad potential employers just look at your history… not your actual skills and talents.

I’ve heard and tried the “write things your thankful for” idea before. I struggled. A lot. It totally stressed me out that I couldn’t do it!

Oh my husband…I do think it’s time I write that post about him that I’ve been holding back. In the beginning of our relationship, he’d give me backrubs… it was so nice. And it was 17 years ago. When I ask him now… you’d think I asked him to go run a marathon for me. “It’s so much work… I’m too tired… My shoulder/arm/neck/hands hurt” (pick one). I don’t think he understands what I’m trying to deal with very well. I agree with you… it’s a reasonable request that I’m sure would help. But I’m 99.99% certain it won’t happen. Jesus, the way I am lately, it’s highly likely it would lead to sex, but even that won’t make him do it… (save for that 0.01% chance). Not sure if you could sort him out or not! He’s stubborn…

Thank you so much for visiting and taking the time to write this to me. It means a lot that strangers have gone out of their way to “talk” to me!


Final Reflections:

  • Readers who comment really appreciate replies by the blog author, and the time Sandra spent on reply to me shows that she really values the blogosphere interaction, which I greatly appreciate too.
  • Not all comments will be helpful to the writer of the post, but may be helpful to other bloggers reading the comments.
  • Actually, your post title “time to accept it” may be the key to a healthy approach to your emotional distress. Remember: everyone has bad days, sad days, so shifting your focus from struggling against it, to accepting and knowing it will pass, can surprisingly shorten the sad periods. This is a key component of a relatively new therapy model: Acceptance & Committment Therapy (ACT), which might be worth exploring.
  • Sandra, you are NOT a pathetic loser, but simply a fragile human being like the rest of us, just in need for a little extra love and support on ‘sad days’, just like the rest of us.